So it feels like I'm fighting the bow due to the angle of my thumb, it's not impossible but I could use a few pointers or suggestions. The standard bow hold is mildly ineffective for me.
I would like to point out 2 very inspiring people to me.
First is Adrian Anantawan:
Second is Casey Driessen:
The first case is the one of a least said fantastic violinist that does not have one hand.
The second case is a of a bluegrass legend (despite still being quite young) that holds the bow in what a classical educated person would say the wrong way (on the youtube link I posted there are sometimes 2 cameras and this makes it possible to see that).
What is the point with these references? to say: we are all different, and everyone has to find its own way.
Having that said, what you need to find is comfort. Find a position that is comfortable and does not hurt.
I normally say to my students to grab a glass of water in the air. When they make that position with the hand (in the air) I put the bow between the hand and they find the rest from there. This is a pointer as you asked.
Another pointer is to try Casey's thumb approach. Notice that he holds the bow with the thumb on the frog. He is a professional world class player and that is the way that works best for him.
Last pointer is for you to try holding the bow (and exercise this sometimes) with just 3 fingers. The thumb, the index finger and the pinky. This will create a stress moment maybe. If you find a position where you can control the bow enough to draw a circle in the air with the point of the bow (and without pressing/forcing the hand), then that position might be the one.