I'm going to try and articulate what I feel about myself when I play guitar, whether it be in front of people or by myself. I'm not sure if its a common thing for musicians to feel or if its just me.
So I've been playing guitar for about 6 years, on and off for the first 4 and have been playing a lot for the past 2 years. I'm in the school band where we play these pretty lame songs, the usual stuff that you'd expect. But whenever I'm playing, its feels like I'm really bad at playing the guitar, whether it be in front of others or just by myself. It's this deep sinking feeling that I sound so bad.
It doesn't seem like I sound bad when I'm actually playing but I still don't believe that I sound decent at all. When I listen to a recording of myself i get the same feeling, but I'm always unimpressed with how I sound. I really don't know if its low self-esteem, a warped perception of how I sound or if I really am just utter trash at playing.
I ask my friends and people I play with if I sound bad and they always say 'no', I ask them to be specific, asking them to explain how they feel, ask them to tell the truth and tell them that I just want to know, you can be as brutal, mean and nasty as you want just tell me if I sound bad or not. But they always just reassure me, going you sound fine. I'm not sure if they just want to spare my feelings or they think I actually sound alright, but this is driving me crazy. I've got a performance coming up soon and I really need to know if I sound awful before hand so I can try and figure out whats wrong.
I don't want to continue playing and having people shudder every time i play. I understand that music is subjective, but I just don't feel like I sound any good and I don't even think all the affirmation in the world would convince me otherwise. I don't know what I should do.
Is there anyway I can really know if I sound alright?