I'm currently 15 years old, and I play violin on the church. I started playing there when I was 9 years old, and always loved doing what I do, specially for the reason I do it.
I sometimes play with people who just started like my 9 year old self. Sometimes, with someone of my level, other times with someone a bit better, until we get to the professionals, the ones who play not only on the church, but somewhere else as a career.
I learned how to play the instrument in about 8 months. I did not have many difficulties during the process, everything felt easy, since the first day of theory on P. Bona's book, to my final test.
Recently, though, I have been punishing myself for not being as good as I wanted to be. I'm not terribly bad, and I know that I shouldn't do what I'm doing. But when on hearing a small flaw in my vibrato, or an error of 2dB, I feel like I'm a disaster, and start to play more quiet and feel unsafe.
I don't normally have problems with self-esteem. Some people think I have it set too high (lol). But sometimes I think I don't evolve, that I'm still the same 9 year old boy who couldn't play an octave up. In counterpart, when I listen to old audios of my practice times, or see recordings, I do feel an evolution on my play style and sound.
Sentiments apart, I'd like to know how can I be more safe about my violinist self, and how can I actually improve.
I'll just tell you to please keep in mind I'm not intending to play professionally, and can't afford to pay any sort of teacher, specially in my country. My time is also limited.