I've been playing guitar for more than 10 years, although not very seriously. I'm not at all gifted, but I'm not tone-deaf either. I've always thought that I'm not meant to understand music, so I didn't try proper ear training or anything. And I've never had any kind of musical training.
I've been taking in more and more music theory, mostly through YouTube channels (12tone, Adam Neely, Rick Beato, Signals Music Studio, Holistic Songwriting...) and some books. But the more I learn, more disappointed I get.
I can't recognise intervals properly (apart from an octave), I can't identify chord quality (I tend to identify lower or quieter ones as minor, and vice versa), I don't ever hear the root or have a "sense of home" when the root note/chord is played, I don't recognise tension and release (you can persuade me you've played a V-I if you only let the last chord ring out longer or strum it slowly), I can't differentiate between I-IV-V and ii-V-I... People talk about chord colour, but I hear it through the qualities of sound (actual sound of a particular instrument or effect), not pitch relationships. And the leading tone? Yeah, I'm not hearing... The list goes on.
What I can do is maybe identify harmonic minor, but you could trick me with Phrygian if you played it with such a purpose, I guess.
I repeat, I'm not tone-deaf. I can sing on pitch most of the time, and although I can't sing an octave above or below very well, I seem to be able to whistle things even more accurately then I can sing them. And I've been exposed and drawn to music that's not exactly "simple", so it's not that I haven't had the chance to hear more than I-IV-V in action.
Is there any way to learn these things? I feel like a colour-blind person being shown a test for colour-blindness. I know the numbers are there, I'm just not seeing them.