my name is Emma and I have been playing the piano for just under eight years.
I started playing the piano when I was nine and was put into the Royal Conservatory of Music (RCM) system a year later. Last year, my piano teacher confronted me about continuing my lessons. She said that she would not be able to teach me level nine in the way that I needed it - thus, I was on the hunt for a new teacher, and luckily found one.
I know that throughout my RCM career, I did not put enough effort into practicing because I had some physiological issues in my wrists from early on, which caused me to practice less intensely than my grade levels required. I practically flew by the seat of my pants as I progressed through the levels because I had enough musical intuition to do so.
Now, I think I have lost my drive to play piano in general. I like playing the hard pieces like Chopin's Fantasie-Impromptu, and I know that the only way to learn those effectively without ruining my wrists even more and risking carpal tunnel is to gradually build myself up to that level of playing. Though with my new teacher, I have discovered that I am missing SO MUCH technique and basic skills that I should have developed years ago.
I started off the year in level nine, and I am now working on a piece three levels lower in order to build those skills - to which I am still having major issues played despite being certified for higher grade levels.
This frustrates me because I know that I am a great piano player to those who don't know the instrument, but I am a moderate player to those who do - which is what used to motivate me to get better, now it just discourages me.
Recently, every time I'm at the piano, I feel so disappointed in myself that I can't help but tear up in embarrassment of how little I have improved over the past four years.
I don't know what to do. Each time I go to my lesson, I get a sinking feeling that I'm wasting everyone's time, and it really makes me want to quit - I almost did earlier this year.
Has anyone else had this feeling?