I have a phrase that need to be played twice but there's a bar at the middle is different for second time. Can I write the score like this? Is this correct?
Thank you very much.
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No. Basically you don't need to look for volta brackets until you hit the first repeat bar. This notation violates that principle. You can write the second alternatives in parentheses and put a "2nd time" note above/below them. That's ugly but basically the only way I can think of right now of avoiding to write out a lot twice.
How similar or different are the music for the 1st and 2nd times through those 8 bars for the other instruments/singers? All parts must be notated with the same repeat-volta arrangement, so that if someone says "let's start again from bar 9" (or whatever) everyone has the same notion of where in the music that is.
So it might be necessary to write all the first 16 bars out with no repeated-section (i.e. ||: :|| ) notation at all, just for the sake of someone else whose part can't be notated with repeated-section notation.
But that drum part has quite a bit of repetition, so you could still save yourself some ink, by using the percent notation.
As another answer said, this isn't really standard notation. A few alternatives: