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So, I have been in this band for 2 years, we have done many rehearsals no live gigs, not a single one, only live Facebook shows, I don’t do music full time, but I like it. However, things have changed since the corona virus thing, my country is under lockdown and I am not getting paid by my regular job, because I can’t work due to the lockdown. One member of this band is a pop artist and she has big plans, I can’t tell if something will come of it or not since there are no gigs. The problem I have is that every time we rehearse to do one of these live shows, she asks me to contribute a large amount of money so that we can party after the show or she wants us to rehearse over a weekend and stay over so that the money can be said to cover our living expenses for the weekend, the thing is at the moment I can’t do this because I don’t have money, furthermore, I don’t get a say in how songs should be done, I am basically just doing it because I love music. I am thinking of quitting should I quit?

  • If you want or need to quit is up to you. Being in a band is like being in a complicated relationship with multiple people but also like a job. Like any good relationship you must do what is best for you but also talk to your band mates so it is all out in the open. Talk to her, tell her your concerns and try to work things out. If she must have money and you don’t have it walk away. But you may come up with a compromise. – b3ko May 22 at 4:19
  • interpersonal.stackexchange.com This is not exactly about Music. We may be able to give you answers but the whole thing wouldn't fit into MusSE. – RishiNandha Vanchi May 22 at 5:12
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    Two years of rehearsals that you helped pay for? Sounds like you should have left a long time ago! There are many 'rehearsal' bands around, that see it as a social occasion rather than 'let's get out and gig'. – Tim May 22 at 6:25
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    Sounds like you have one member who thinks that in order to become a pop star, you first have to live like one. They are so self-centred that they expect others to pay for this.. This is, to put it bluntly, arse about face. Leave, leave now. Run. Don't look back. Don't apologise, just go, now. – Tetsujin May 22 at 8:06
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    With Tetsujin all the way. Been there, done it, got the scars. If she ever did make big, she'd most probably ditch the band without a thought (or a thank you). – Tim May 22 at 11:31
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I'm going to add this an an answer because I think you deserve it in letters bold & large.

Someone is taking you for a ride. They're extracting everything they can from you & offering absolutely nothing in return.

This isn't a band, this is one person's perceived free ride to fame - which they are about 0.1% likely to ever achieve even if they're actually very good.

You have one member who thinks that in order to become a pop star, you first have to live like one. They are so self-centred that they expect others to pay for this…
This is, to put it bluntly, arse about face.

This is not behaviour that a quick band chat after rehearsal is ever going to fix, this is simply delusional behaviour.

Leave, leave now.
Run.
Don't look back.
Don't apologise, just go, now.

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    Shouting out the reasons to everyone else as you go! – Tim May 22 at 12:04
  • And then write Heavy Metal with Tetsujin's Lyrics, Get published before your current band. (Dont take this srsly pls) – RishiNandha Vanchi May 22 at 13:02
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    @RishiNandha_M - could be (almost) plagiarising I Will Survive? – Tim May 22 at 14:29

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