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I am actually rapper wannabe from my place, and I like to know much on developing good bars for my track. Please help me to figure out much over this to improve, cause what I come up with, doesn't look good enough. This is what I mostly write looks like:

I crashed down on 51 in my space coupe,

I keep my bible and my rifles in the same room,

Me and I walked the same road cause its a time loop,

You don't trust us until you see it in the news.

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  • The part I least like about your lyrics is actually that they don't rhyme. Is that your main concern about your lyrics?
    – Dekkadeci
    Commented Jul 12, 2020 at 10:52
  • @Dekkadeci This is how I actually intended, sorry it wasn't shown properly.
    – user70801
    Commented Jul 12, 2020 at 10:57
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    @Dekkadeci Reading them, they don't perfectly rhyme, but I think they rhyme enough since the vowel sound is the same, when spoken in the context rap. At least, near rhymes seem fairly common in hip hop.
    – awe lotta
    Commented Jul 12, 2020 at 14:50
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    @Dekkadeci and everyone: "coupe" and "loop" absolutely rhyme (i.e, it's typically pronounced like "coop," not "coo-pay"; think Beach Boys). But as awe lotta notes, lots of rap uses half rhyme and even less obvious euphony, as between "room" and "news" (which, it must be noted, could be either "nyooz" or "nooz").
    – phoog
    Commented Dec 9, 2020 at 14:20

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Your lyrics are written like a prosa text, the only phrasing I can recognize are the commas.

I can feel a rhythm ... are there rhymes?

  • Notate it in the form of a poem: verse lines, strophes.
  • Write dots and dashes underlining short and long syllables.
  • Mark slashes (pseudo-bar-lines) ahead the accentuated words.
  • You don’t need to notate the exact rhythm in music notes: there are different solutions. E.g.: the first pronoun “I” can be on beat of measure 1 or an up-beat.

Structure: (apologize, I can‘t adjust the marks with the syllables).

I crashed down on 51 in my space coupe,

(-)../:...:.../— -

I keep my bible and my rifles in the same room,

(.).../:...:.../—

Me and I walked the same road cause its a time loop,

../-..:,,../—.

you don't trust us until you see it in the news.

,,/.,,..:.../-

Quarter notes => -

Eighth notes => .

Accents => :

Sixteenth notes => ,,

in brackets () => rests

You can create your own marks of course.

this rhythmical interpretation is very simple, I know. When rapping you can use more syncopations and triplets ad libitum.

I don‘t think you improve much by notating the rhythm. My advice is: listen to other performers, write your texts, recite them when walking.

Btw: your lyrics are great! Is this the ordinary schizophrenic US-citizen? Johnny Cash or Donald Trump?

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  • Thanks ,but sorry I didn't enter the lyrics properly, please go through again and tell me more. This is my first ever post over stack exchange, hope you would've understood. I assume you could see rhyming now.By the way I'm actually Indian, Keralite exact, but my place has only "mallu rappers", so I lack people of my taste. So your thoughts would be a great help.
    – user70801
    Commented Jul 12, 2020 at 11:09
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    If you want to annotate the lyrics you can use a code block - put a triple backtick (```) on its own line at the start and the end of the block. As it is now I have a rather hard time reading your notation.
    – Maciej Stachowski
    Commented Aug 11, 2020 at 14:12

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